My kid recently turned one. For those who have not been a caretaker for a little tyke before, my experience of this “turning one” milestone means my child is newly beginning to interact with their surroundings. They are figuring out what brings them joy, such as eating fruit or their shiny deck of cards that communicate positive affirmations. Every day, they learn a little bit better how to communicate, like saying “Hello” through a head bop as taught by their cousins (even when it’s done through the phone). We, as a family, are also learning to identify those moments when enough is enough and some downtime is necessary to recharge. Much as they are learning an incalculable amount day in and day out about themselves, so too are my partner and I learning about them and how to best support their experience in this thing we call “life.”

That learning is imperative. The world can be complicated and hard, and it is my job to simplify where I can, remove barriers as I am able, and bandage the wounds when they occur. Knowing and understanding my kid, as any caretaker knows, is a full-time position, one with job responsibilities you are never 100% competent at. But that’s OK – besides being important, it is also a blast. I want to spend as much time as I can with my kid, helping them navigate the environment so they can optimize their joy and minimize their pain; and so I, selfishly, can figure out how I can continue to participate and show up for them.

Assuming you don’t already know me, a couple of questions for you based solely on the two paragraphs you just read:

• Could you tell I am in a same-sex marriage and could have been prevented from adopting a child in 13 states?
• Did you know that mine is a transracially adopted child?
• Had you been able to decipher that, at least as assigned at birth, my kid is of a gender where making a fundamental choice about their healthcare could land them (or myself or any “abetting” adult) in jail in 14 states in this country?
• Were you aware that states in this country are actively trying to reduce the impact of my child’s voice at the ballot box?

No?

Good. That was the point.

Why the relative subterfuge and circumlocution? Well, because my husband, daughter, many of my friends, and myself are central targets in the current political culture wars. Sometimes anonymity offers some semblance of protection. Because sometimes one’s simple existence, constitutes an act of “culture war” for someone else.

Are you a target in a culture war? You will know if you are because you can answer “Yes” to any (not “all” – any) of the following questions:

1. Does your existence throw subsets of the general community into a flurry to take away your healthcare, remove any written proof of your existence from educational institutions (and elsewhere), or force you into an identity or way of being that feels so unnatural to you that not living seems like a better option?
2. When you walk down the street, do the piercing eyes of passersby let you know that they wish ill (and sometimes violence) against you?
3. Have you ever been terrified to introduce the person you love to your family, friends, or coworkers out of fear of being shunned, excommunicated, or isolated?

Earlier this summer, I drafted an article advocating for reclaiming the phrase “culture war” and fight back against the harmful and dangerous ideologies targeting some of the most marginalized in society and across many intersectionalities. That article, written for Pride month, focused on my identity as a gay man and the challenges and prejudices (individual, institutional, and systemic) that are a part of my everyday life. I spoke of why being a culture war matters, no matter how hard it can be, it’s important.

How else can we move forward? How else can we see substantial, real progress?

As I reflected on my activist roots then, I reflect on that article today – for this installment of the “WTF” Founder’s Letter series. Because there are so many things that require a robust, activist response. And I am worried, tired, and frustrated. But also, WTF?! The headlines are depressing and stressful: Book bans. All the healthcare restrictions – gender-affirming care, reproductive health, healthcare for all. (Guess what – it’s cheaper to keep us healthy than treat us when we’re sick.) Removing access to the ballot box. Lack of meaningful gun reform. And on. And on. And on.

I remain vigilant in defending my rights and our collective aspiration for human progress and equality. But at the same time, I admit that I am worried, tired, and frustrated. Culture Wars – and the vigilant defense of human dignity, opportunity, and freedom is important – but, if I am honest, polarization and warlike demarcation zones can hold us back and limit what is possible. I can’t both defend my existence in a culture war and give my all in making the world more equitable – the risks against my safety and that of my loved ones prohibit both from being true.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Peter Freeman, MPH

Peter Freeman has more than 15 years’ of experience in healthcare. His career has focused on helping a range of public health and healthcare organization providers flourish in their current environment while simultaneously preparing for inevitable change. He focuses on supporting organizations in optimizing performance, strengthening their revenue and funding portfolios, and thinking critically about how to align their infrastructure with our ever-changing legislative and programmatic environment. His experience spans from managerial, data and analytics, education, and quality improvement to executive leadership in the private, public, nonprofit, and government sectors.

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