ERIN DAY
Chief Executive Officer
It was mid-April 2020 and I was in a virtual meeting with my friend, Anna. We’d been at home due to the pandemic since March 13th. We were doing our usual catching up before talking about work. My daughter ran through the screen, my son was late logging into his class, and I had literally burned ramen noodles that day. I told her that since I was little I was told that “women could have it all” and that this is what “having it all” looks like.
MESSY.
The pandemic had me working (read: innovating) from home, remote learning with two children, making breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and cleaning them up, exercising, eating healthy-ish (mind you, this is when I mastered cheese bread), loving on my husband, keeping in touch with friends I couldn’t see in person, making sure to talk with my parents and siblings periodically to catch up on all the things…and this was only April!
Fast forward to January 2021, still innovating from home, remote learning, trying to look my best on video calls, trying to exercise and eat “right”, keep in touch, etc… and it makes me wonder when the collective female said we wanted “it all”, is this what we had in mind? Did we know and could we have prepared ourselves for it to look like this?
This isn’t the first time that a piece like this has been written; others have examined the idea of “having it all”. They have questioned “Why women still can’t have it all”, “The myth of having it all”, and “Redefining having it all”. While this topic has been explored at length, I couldn’t find any articles that argued the fact that you can, in fact, have it all… it’s just going to be messy.
Having it all will not look polished. It will not look clean. It will not look stable.
However, it will look loving. It will look thoughtful, it will look smart, and above all, it will look authentic. It will (very clearly) highlight the beautiful and unique ability of women to love, guide, and grow at the same time.
My personal lens is that of a wife, a mother, and of a female business leader. This perspective has given me the opportunity to ask myself if I “want it all”. After I answered “yes” to that, then I was given the opportunity to decide to enjoy “it all” in my own way and to forge a path that women had not been afforded prior to the pandemic.
Prior to the pandemic, in the modern era, women have always been a lot of things at once but never all. By all of the things, I mean taking on all of the roles of teacher, cook, employee, mother, spouse, chauffeur, acute medic (scrapes and boo-boos, obviously), our own exercise trainer, friend, daughter, rule implementer, and enforcer, and I’m sure you’re thinking of several other things I’m leaving out. Prior to the pandemic, typically someone else took care of at least one or two of those things for us.
So we find ourselves in an unprecedented situation, with what seems like the weight of the world on our shoulders. How can we continue to “have it all”?
I AM SIMPLY CHOOSING TO ENJOY THE RIDE.
I am choosing to have a good attitude, express my emotions, and give myself and others grace. I am choosing to cherish the extra time with my children (Let’s be clear…this does not mean I haven’t wanted to pull my hair out), to enjoy eating lunch with them, to enjoy slower mornings where I drink coffee on the couch and snuggle one or both of them until it’s time to start work. I am choosing to enjoy cutting out flashcards and to forgive myself when I didn’t cut them out because I had nothing left.
Now, I sit across from my children on their computers with headphones on, while they randomly blurt out Spanish words or math answers and make hand gestures to me that they’re hungry and may die within seconds if not provided sustenance. I frantically try to finish small projects while classes are in session knowing inevitably after the class more snacks, requests for snuggles, tidying, arguing over chores or the T.V., etc. will be imminent.
If you’ve decided that you, too, “want it all”, it makes me wonder: How do you enjoy “having it all”? I believe, in the simplest form, that you choose to do so (OR you just run away to a tropical island taking only those you love and forget any of this ever happened).
This piece is meant to praise the American woman who “has it all” in her own way. It is intended to be lighthearted and not diminish self-care or our partners who help us maintain “it all” and love us through the mess while being in awe of our ability to do all the things. While this article is meant to be lighthearted, we understand there are those of us who struggle with mental health issues brought on or exacerbated by life’s expectations and encourage you to find support or mental health services in whatever form fits your needs best. For links to resources you may need, please visit our website at www.impactcarolina.org.